You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
