She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
