i wish my penis had a tongue
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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