yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
