fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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