Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
