pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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