is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
