i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
