singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
