He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
