hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
