Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
