You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i love accidental penises.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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