we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
