can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
