I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
