help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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