a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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