Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize