I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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