my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
