At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I skipped work to stalk him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
