i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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