pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am naked and annoyed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
