So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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