dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
