A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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