dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
