got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
