I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drake has all the answers
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
