he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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