Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
