I think I am morally bankrupt
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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