someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
