Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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