i just had sex bonerless
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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