I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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