My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
