I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
