I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You can't just leave with hair like that
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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