***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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