I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
