True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
