The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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