Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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