at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
