i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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