you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
