Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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