better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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