Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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