My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
