Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
