The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
