he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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