why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
