True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
