you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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