the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
