Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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