I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
