I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
