he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
