I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
