I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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