I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
