So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
