I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
