My friends, they love my intelligence
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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