i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
